Letting Go of a Toxic Relationship

July 20, 2016

I once was in a relationship that started to turn toxic about 9 months before it ended.  The relationship began to turn toxic once we started to be on two different pages sexually.  Usually when I am very stressed out, there's nothing my partner can do to turn me on and sex is the last thing I want.  My desire faded and I tried to explain to my boyfriend what was going on.  Instead of him being understanding, he would try to guilt me into having sex by telling me that I was his woman and that he can't get it from anyone else or that he just want to make love because he really wants intimacy.  Sometimes I would give in to his wants, but would be feeling empty inside.  Then when I did give in, he would always complain about me not being into it or that the sex was not good.  As as sexual assault victim, I told him that it was impossible to be turned on if I'm feeling forced.  His rebuttal would always be that he wasn't a "raper man" and that I'm supposed to give it to him.  I noticed it becoming a problem when his attitude started to change.  He would constantly stay angry and moody when I refused him.  It was so unbearable at times that I would just give in just to diffuse the tension.

One day we got in a big argument and he broke up with me.  I actually felt relieved and ecstatic about it.  I thought finally this is my way out.  I had been thinking of breaking up with him, but never could think of the right time to go. I knew what he was doing to me was emotional abuse.  Once we broke up, my life started to get better.  I started focusing on me and doing the things that made me happy.  I began a healthy lifestyle transformation, which has me feeling strong and empowered.  My school grades also improved from the previous semester.  My stress levels went completely down and I felt liberated. I finally had the peace of mind that I desired and felt a confidence I've never experienced in my life.

After the breakup, my ex tried to use reverse psychology by telling me, "If you were in love me like you said you were, you would not be able to walk away so easily."  Of course that did not work for me because I loved myself more than I loved him and my mental health was more important than a relationship.  

Here are some signs that you are in a toxic relationship:

  • constant arguing
  • feeling manipulated
  • not feeling like yourself
  • your partner always acts as the victim
  • your partner tries to guilt you into doing things
  • constant hostility
  • overstepping boundaries

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